COVID-19 Anthropological Ethnography

COVID-19 Ethnography

Who would have thought that corona would ever be associated with a virus? Corona was always, as portrayed in the Super Bowl ads, that sizzling cold alcoholic beverage that took us from our lonely miserable selves to the promised land of togetherness and sunny beaches. Interestingly enough, there were multiple sources suggesting or exploring whether the corona beer sales have been affected by the outbreak of the Novel COVID-19. Beer market issues, however, are absolutely nothing in light of the true devastation this virus brought upon the world, as we will discuss. 

The first time I heard of the virus was during a phone conversation with Menachem, a very intelligent good friend of mine, currently living on the West Coast. Menachem was my study partner 6 years ago in Yeshivah when we were 19 years old. We studied the Talmud, ancient Jewish texts, and many other random topics that piqued our curiosity at the time. 

Sometime in late February or early March during one of our regular conversations, Menachem asked me if I heard about the coronavirus. He said that it would probably be labeled an official pandemic within the next few weeks. “This thing is going to change our lives significantly more than nine eleven did.” I have heard of an epidemic, what is a pandemic? You know like pansexual… I didn’t really remember that one either. I heard him out, and my response was something like “yeah big deal I ain't dying, I don't have any older people I really care about… How bad can this be...?” Little did I know the kind of unfathomable insanity that was about to take hold on every aspect of our lives. The kind of challenges this virus would impose upon every human being everywhere. If you thought you would be exempt, there was another thing coming. It was only a matter of time before everyone began to grasp the extent of how this new virus would affect all of our daily lives for the foreseeable future.

There were some indications pointing towards the kind of shifts that were forthcoming. Classes moved online, we were told to wash our hands more frequently. President Trump announced a stop to flights coming from Europe. At this point I’m thinking, this is starting to get annoying. I need my campus library and gym to go to. I hate online classes etc. Generally speaking, I do not follow the news very much. Particularly when I am occupied with trying to navigate through my first semester in college. The news I received was mostly from the CUNY emails. “Stay home, stay safe…” yeah alright. Part of the advantages of not watching the news is that you are not taking in the kind of panic and hysteria that other people are. I did not experience this until that defining moment when within a half hour my perception of what the current situation was, and the nature of human beings in general, was shaken to its core. 

This was not a rare experience. People all across America shared this story in different forms, but all with the same theme. The apocalypse has arrived. I stepped into Target on Flatbush Ave. to do my biweekly shopping. There I witnessed what cannot be expressed as something other than a scene from a sci-fi movie after the earth has been hit by an asteroid and the global resources are reaching a point of utter scarcity and extinction. The store is packed. People are wearing gloves and masks. The shelves are empty. The checkout lines are triple their regular length. There might as well have been some flickering light bulbs to officialize the apocalypse theory/theme and allow for things to at least make some sense. As I'm standing on the checkout line with less than half of what I planned on purchasing, I notice that other registers ran out of bags and there are no more in the store. The person behind me was the last to receive bags on my line. Walking out of the store I am trying to wrap my head around this insanity. I call my friend and tell him that he was right. Things would change dramatically, and god knows for how long and to what extent.

Hearing constant sirens from emergency vehicles passing by became the new norm. If there wasn’t a siren in your area, you often can hear one from other participants of a virtual meeting you were in the midst of. Soon enough further regulations were laid out. Must not meet in large groups. Maintain a six-foot distance from strangers. Non-essential businesses must cease to operate until further notice (this was a big one, as I will elaborate soon.) Everyone must wear masks while using public transit and when in close quarters with others (like supermarkets.) I’ll never forget this short prick yelling at me when he noticed that my scarf was not covering my face. It slipped down as scarves do, and that was beside the fact that by then a month had already passed since I stopped having symptoms of the virus. I understood his concern, but there was no need to shout. This was just a small example of many similar instances happening all over the country. Indeed the virus highlighted and brought out the best and also some of the worst within us.

Additional out of the norm occurrences were forthcoming, starting with a visit to the post office. This was the first time I actually saw tape on the floor marking the distance we were supposed to keep from other people waiting on the line. Next was a few days later when I attempted to enter Walgreens pharmacy. I was topped by the entrance, “for the pharmacy or store?” “the store,” I said. I was instructed to step aside and wait for my turn. They were keeping a cap on how many people can be shopping at the same time. There were 10-15 people already waiting at the entrance, so I figured I'd try and go to Target. Arriving at Target, I was again asked to wait in line. I turned to evaluate the size of the line and saw somewhere around 80 people waiting. I needed a broom and Q-tips. They would have to wait. I’m not very good at waiting in long lines. On my way back to my apartment I saw a 99 cents kind of store. I purchased a broom and a fake brand cotton swab thing and continued on my merry way. Sadly, during my first use of the broom, it broke. “God damn it,” I thought, the world is falling apart, and the brunt of the blow is beginning to set in.

The following day, the wifi in my apartment stopped working. I would say that not having proper internet connection during this lockdown period is equivalent to Jack Sparrow marooned on an island without any rum. Almost all aspects of life were now online. The wifi being down meant classes, meetings, and all sorts of entertainment/things that kept you somewhat sane during this crisis were suddenly gone. I had lots to do that day. I needed to finish up some school assignments and attend my weekly virtual therapy session-which I would hate to miss. Luckily I had a friend who was okay with me coming over to do my work at his place. Although I finished more or less what I needed to be done at my friend’s house, there was naturally more time wasted as well, thus leaving me slightly further behind in my studies and assignments.

Adjusting to this new reality of life was a significant challenge for me and I am sure for others as well. At first, I thought I had it under control. I had a basic schedule and I was able to keep to it and remain active. A video of home workouts popped into my youtube feed and I began to use the workout structure from the video as a substitute for going to the gym. It didn't take long for this to fall apart. I am not accustomed to having my entire life function from the same close quarters. In the past when it came to studying, whether it was during my days in yeshiva, or when I was preparing for the GED exam, I never studied at home. I went to a synagogue, a public library, or a coffee shop. Yet all of a sudden I found myself stuck in my apartment not having where to go, and even feeling guilty for wanting to exit the house and move on with life as if nothing has changed. All the while, classes and school work continued to flow in my direction. I felt like I had no time to relax. Sometimes it seemed like some of the professors hadn’t realized that we changed to remote learning and the course-load for everyone was feeling much heavier than usual. For some reason, whenever I managed to finish an assignment, I woke up the next morning with another three that still needed to be addressed, and the cycle continued. 

Although lots of the changes brought about by COVID were to be expected, the magnitude of how they were going to affect us wasn’t felt until it was actually experienced. Once experienced, it often felt like coming to the realization that we were locked in a cage. It may not sound like much when you hear that “all essential businesses must remain closed until further notice.” As a matter of fact, it takes only nine words to say it, but in truth, these few words took away from us much more than we may have initially realized. In a sense, it truly began to feel like we were living in a different time and place. A time where the highway traffic was being monitored because New Yorkers were bringing the virus to other states like Florida. This sounded to me like during WW2 when travel was extremely restricted and monitored. If you did not have the right documents, you were stuck. I don’t think that many of us living in the US ever imagined that the government would be restricting passage from state to another. Yet in a short amount of time, this is where we found ourselves. Trying to figure out how to get a haircut or buy groceries without messing things up along the way.

 It was about two weeks into the shutdown when I began to feel like the weight of these restrictions were beginning to stack up. On an emotional level, it seemed like this change might be too much for me to handle. I don’t do well with change, let alone drastic change. I feared that by the time I would grow accustomed to these changes, I would have already fallen too far behind in my school-work without recourse. 

Regardless of COVID, I was already experiencing academic difficulties. A combination of this being my first semester in college, and me not having any background in secular studies made for quite a challenge. As mentioned earlier, I grew up in an ultra-orthodox community. The Hasidic group I was affiliated with is called Chabad. The Chabad education system from elementary through high school and college does not include any English, Math, or Science. The focus is only on religious Jewish studies. This means that I am largely self-educated, and there are many gaps in my understanding of secular subjects. I began learning first-grade math at the age of twenty-two. Naturally sitting in a college math lecture, I found myself completely lost. There was a lot of catching up to do, and the same went for other subjects. 

My confidence level regarding how the semester will turn out wasn’t very high. Add remote learning and lockdown to academic insecurities, and you have a beautiful psychological and emotionally dysregulated mess. Together with feelings of helplessness come all sorts of anxieties about the future. Add the heavy sense of hopelessness and depression follows. Now it's gonna take some real work to A) make sure I don’t fall deeper into the darker kind of headspace, and B) climb out and get back on my feet before I destroy the two months of effort I already put in, working towards having a successful semester.

After doing some research on the psychological impact the coronavirus had on college students, I realized that my anxiety was not invalid unsubstantiated at all. A scientific study from ScienceDirect.com published May 2020 titled “The psychological impact of the COVID-19 epidemic on college students in China” revealed that a total of 24.9 percent of 7143 students surveyed experienced some form of anxiety. The factors cited as positively associated with anxiety included not living with parents, family not having financial security, living in rural areas, and having a relative or acquaintance who was infected by the virus. Moreover, the effects on daily life as well as delays in academic activities were also positively associated with anxiety symptoms. 

I fit nicely into most of the factors mentioned above. I am not very financially secure, I live on my own, and there are some acquaintances of mine who were infected and passed on. Having acquired this knowledge and evaluating the data about how other college students were responding to the virus, my symptoms made perfect sense. There are some details from this study that were somewhat new to me and got me thinking. Firstly, the fact that living with family, particularly parents was something that protected against anxiety. My parents got divorced when I was about eight years old, and the divorce got pretty ugly. From a very young age, I dreamed about the day when I would be independent of my parents and not have to live with them. Indeed, now that I am living on my own, my life, particularly mental health-wise has improved dramatically. For whatever reason, it hasn’t really dawned upon me that for many, living with their parents can be something positive that makes them feel safer. I guess that I came to the conclusion that all kids yearn to leave home as early as possible and that is how things should be. Now that I think about it, it is not lost upon that creating a positive family dynamic is an achievable thing. As a matter of fact, I hope one day to provide the safe haven that I never had to my own children.

Another finding in this study that I found to be quite telling was the fact that there was no difference found between genders with regards to any of the findings in the study. Males experienced anxiety to the same degree as females as a result of the virus. There seems to be this myth about the differences between men and women when it comes to mental health issues. In truth, there are unfortunately far more successful suicides committed by men than by women. For some reason, men feel like they cannot express their feelings in today's day and age for fear of being viewed and perceived the wrong way. This study shows again that men have emotions and they too often struggle with emotional and psychological issues. I came across a quote a while back, it was something to the effect of “men’s hearts get broken too, men also cry, men also self-harm, men also struggle…” I wish I copied and saved the whole quote. I remember thinking to myself “wow, this is so true.”

The Novel COVID-19 shook the world. More than two months into it (in the US) and we still don’t know how things should and will continue to unfold. Probably the most disturbing and frankly annoying word coming from the decision-makers regarding shutdowns or reopenings is “indefinitely.” The word “indefinite” is essentially another way of saying “we have no idea.” That means that we are entering the unknown and unpredictable. More often than not, the unknown brings along with it fear and this fear causes certain emotions - emotions that are not unique to any individual race or gender, they do not discriminate. To live in uncertain times means to grapple with real obstacles and fears. It puts into question our mental and emotional resilience in the face of chaos and obscurity. What is most important though, is to highlight that when we do manage to overcome these obstacles and navigate through these trials and tribulations, this is the ultimate testament to our true strength and courage.

I am one of many who downloaded an app called TikTok during the quarantine, in order to help wind down and enjoy some entertainment when I needed it. There was one video that I came across, that perhaps in a way summarizes very well what we collectively have been going through. It’s a middle-aged woman standing on her lawn looking into her camera with a message for her followers. In her crisp southern accent, she says “whomever’s gonna be that first person after this quarantine that'll give me a hug - best be ready for an hour and a half of me cryin on their shoulder.”

As a society, over the past few months, we have given up a lot. All of the changes and restrictions imposed upon us came at a price. There’s no doubt that - as shown in the study and I experienced personally - COVID tested our psychological and emotional strength and fortitude. For many of us, it’s all gotten so wild that at the moment all we want is a hug - somewhere safe where we can release the built-up tension and angst. We yearn for that shoulder to cry on so that we don’t feel like we are in this alone. It has taken its toll, but we are coming out stronger. 

We cannot do justice for the loss incurred by this virus but perhaps we can make something of it. Perhaps we can come out on the other side with a new perspective. I have learned a lot more about myself over the past few months. The main takeaway for me is that I am much more capable than I thought I was. I believe that many have recently found this about themselves as well. While at the beginning I felt crippled by this new reality, I have slowly found a way to navigate and redirect. I learned how to be more patient with myself and others. There were so many things in life that I have been taking for granted, that I now have come to realize their true value and worth.     

Some of the things I've come to appreciate include sunlight, in-person conversation and activity, good coffee, cigar lounges, libraries, gyms, and public transportation. I wonder what it will be like when things get back to normal. It feels like the world will be a better place. There’s that saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Though I never entirely agreed with that saying since I believe that there are things that don’t kill you but still make you weaker, I wonder if and how this saying would manifest itself in the post COVID population and era. 

For the most part, I do anticipate a brighter and better future. Through COVID I have gained newfound confidence in myself. I am at the end of the semester and somehow through it all, I was able to keep up with the assignments and maintain good grades. Time and again I found myself performing better than how I thought I would. If this trend continues, I have a feeling that one day while sipping on an ice-cold Corona beer, I’ll be sitting on a sunny beach in the company of some lovely people. We’ll be reminiscing on the difficult times the coronavirus brought upon us, and we might even shed a tear, but we’ll also smile with pride knowing that in the end, we persevered. We healed, we moved forward and will always remember that no matter how bad life strikes you down or how dark it gets, soon enough the sun will shine again. And when it does, it will come with a whole new horizon of opportunities, leading you into an ever better and brighter future.